I'm a big meanie.

Welly welly welly well. It's been so long since I've posted anything because I basically gave up on thinking anyone read my ramblings but apparently people want to read what I have to say. Or at least...some people....

Today, I took my bitch pill and decided to rant about something that's been bothering me on facebook. AS usual....people have gotten the wrong idea, or a guilty conscience, or just plain offended. 

My status read : "Misery loves company.............but I'm too damn busy being happy about the positive to join you on your pity party. You made your bed, lie in it and stop bitching about it" 

Then, several people were interested in what the original rant I posted said...so I summed it up : " Hmm, to sum it up, it was saying if the company you keep seems to constantly be suffering and drowning in negativity, trouble, and death then maybe you should stop getting together, drinking, and talking about "the good times" and how you "can't believe they're gone" and how you're going to "forget it, let's party, YOLO!" bc one of you is going to go home bombed out of your mind and you'll just be another notch on the long list of those gone. Have some class, dignity, and respect for yourself and others. Seems like all anyone wants to post is how trashy they are and how trashy the company they keep is. Then they want to complain about it and get my sympathy? No, I don't think so. "The company you keep can determine the trouble you will meet." 

But hey, what do I know. I'm just a boring mom who's never had a toe out of line or done things I shouldn't."

Then I decided to just say forget it, I'm going balls to the wall. I wrote what really crawled up my ass and 

died : "I didn't originally post how annoying and pathetic it is that people always try and justify themselves by the events that have occurred in their lives. "Well my best friend died" or "my friend committed suicide" or "my friend got hit by a drunk driver" and those are all reasons why they continue to party or act out or whatever (bc that makes SO much sense....) and they constantly complain that those events are why they are the way they are or why they're always depressed....and I want to ask them, well shit how many best friends do you have and why are they all dead? Telling me your son story doesn't tell me a damn thing about yourself other than the fact that you know a lot of dead people. Negative events are never an excuse for anything and they certainly don't warrant any sympathy on my part and they CERTAINLY don't give you a damn reason to always walk around in a shitty mood telling people you're "having a bad day". You wanna complain to me about life? Fine, but I'll punch you in your lazy pathetic little mouth and give you a real reason to complain about pain. Be thankful for the life and friends you have and stop looking for sympathy. There's more important shit going on, I promise!

RANT DONE."

Well, apparently this was just too much for too many people. I'm not totally heartless and insensitive. Last week an old friend passed away in a horrible accident. Her husband survived by the grace of God. I've heard a plethora of stories about how and why and everything in between. It's not my business to know how or why, all I know is that she's gone and I'm sad. This doesn't mean I have to post it on facebook and update my status every 10 minutes reminding everyone that I'm wallowing in depression and self pity. It means I deal with it privately and somehow move forward. I found out my little sister had caught up with this dear friend &  she's heartbroken...but I don't see her whining about it. She's acting LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND BEING PRIVATE ABOUT IT. Why can't people just comprehend what social networking is for!?! It's like they just want to out do each other with their story of misery. They want sympathy I guess?? They want to justify their shitty life and obnoxious actions by saying all the negative events that have happened to them are the reason for them?....I just don't get it.

Life is hard. It isn't easy. It's confusing and sometimes it's cruel....but that doesn't mean you have to just be a miserable person for the rest of your life....

I have a pretty horrible sense of humor. I'm not a fan of sunshine or warm days. I'm not into hugging people and I don't love talking about feelings but for shits sake I at least have the sense to know I'm blessed with a lot of good that outweighs the bad. 

At one point, I was a hot mess. I wasn't totally and completely out of control but I was close. I wasn't a crazy out of control, uncontrollable, raging alcoholic....but I was a drunk. I wasn't smart about my life choices and I didn't really care what happened....bc "I have skeletons in my closet I'm not ready to face". How is that any way to live life? I feel sorry for everyone that had to deal with me when I was like that. Being in a toxic self destructive relationship didn't help but my ex-douche is not all to blame for why I was the way I was. I don't really know what's to blame but I know it was a shitty way to live and I figured it out on my own and at a young age. How people can go on with life and be miserable and dwell on shit that happened years ago is beyond me. If you lost your kids, that sucks...you probably did something to suffer that consequence. Your marriage is over, we get it...stop facebooking it...it's awkward and it's personal and I'm tired of watching you facebook fight with your wife like a middle schooler. You have a lot of people that have died...we get it, you partied since you were 16, you're 28, and you've lost a lot of "friends" because all you did was drink and do drugs....what did you expect? It's like watching Scarface or The Godfather....you see where it starts, you know what's coming......so why? Why set yourself up for it? You made your pathetic miserable bed...lie in it and stop bitching on my facebook wall. 

It feels good to be back.

Recently

So, I'm gearing up for the arrival of Lucy Avis Roberts. I'm anxious. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm determined. I'm ready. I don't know how it will be having a newborn and a toddler with the stamina of 10 toddlers on a sugar high. I'm anxious because I want to meet her. I'm nervous because Frank will have to work shortly after I have her and I will be all alone 2 hours away from family recovering from a c-section on my own. My Granddad is recovering from a stroke & has heart complications hindering the recovery process so sadly, it's a waiting game of how long he can make it...I'm insisting my family stay up there close to him to spend as much time as possible with him instead of with me. It's the right thing to do. I'm excited because I always wanted a baby girl and she has so many damn outfits that are so damn cute I can't wait to see her in them. I'm determined because everyone that has 2 has had nothing positive to say. It's like they had a miserable time so they feel it's their obligation to warn/scare me into being as miserable as they were. Well, eff that. I'm determined to be successful at being a mother of two and I'm determined for everything to go just as it did with Frankie and not experience any postpartum depression or anything and handle things with joy and positive energy like before. 

A lot of people are telling me they love the name choice and are curious where it came from. Well, Lucy came from several things. It came from Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds by the Beatles. Not only are they my favorite band or musicians of all time, I simply have sweet memories of the song as a little girl. I have always loved the idea of flying in a night sky with diamonds as the stars, floating in a small boat filled with soft blankets looking up at pink skies and orange trees. I thought if I ever had a little girl I'd want her to have "sun in her eyes" with bright eyes that could light up everything. If you know me at all, you know I LOVE vintage, the 50's to be specific. One of my idols is Lucille Ball. She named her daughter Lucie but I decided to stick with Lucy with a 'y'. I want to be able to use I Love Lucy memorabilia to decorate as she grows up and I want her to grow up knowing who the CLASSIC women worth learning about are. Avis is an older name as well and since we already have a classic name with Frankie we decided to go ahead and use Avis for Lucy's middle name. Most of you that know me or grew up in Bridgeport know my Memaw Willine. She is the matriarch of the Wood family and the one person in this world I admire the most. She and my Pawpaw were THE MOST amazing, inspiring, kind, godly, wise, strong, resilient people I have ever known.  If I want advice, I go to her. She handles everything with such grace, humility, and kindness. So many people were so disappointed and judgmental when I announced I was pregnant with Frankie. I probably got some eye rolls when I announced I was having Lucy. When I told my Memaw about both pregnancies, she took the news with a smile and the immediate love & excitement. She has helped our little family get it's feet on the ground and she has done so without us asking and against our hesitation because she believes we deserve the best. She has embraced Frank with an open heart and hasn't passed unnecessary judgement on him for any reason like everyone else has. She has not scolded me or treated me with disgust like others have. She has only shown us love and given us words of encouragement. She's truly been a beacon in our darkest hours and for that we decided to take her first name, Avis, and bless little Lucy with it. We want to honor my Memaw and pass down a name that deserves to be remembered. So that my friends is where Lucy Avis Roberts comes from :)

I think I'm ready for this next chapter. If you look at my life in disgust or think "God I'd hate to be her", go fuck yourself. I'm still absolutely stunning for being 8 months pregnant. I'm marrying a gorgeous, devastatingly handsome man who loves me, our son, & daughter more than anything in the world. I have a real man who has busted his ass to provide a good life for us in 2 short years. I met the Romeo to my Juliet, the Johnny to my June, the Pinky to my Brain, the Maid Marian to my Robin Hood (Disney style), the chocolate to my Willy Wonka. I have a GORGEOUS, perfect, well behaved, intelligent, kind baby boy with the sweetest disposition and I guarantee my daughter will be just as gorgeous. No, I didn't go off to some big university to get a piece of paper to feel better about myself. No I didn't manage to stay out of trouble, I did what everyone else has done but I got caught. No I didn't get married first to make all you perfect Christian's more comfortable. No Frank isn't home all the time. No we don't have time to do things for just us anymore. Guess what, I'm fine with that. I'll be around to watch my grandkids have grandkids. I'll be young enough to actually play with my kids and enjoy it. I won't be starting my family at 30. I get to have children and spend years and years with them once they're grown and that is what I want, that is what makes me happy. So if my lifestyle isn't up to par with yours and you think I'm crazy for being happy, fine. This is where we are right now...and we are happy. Happier than you can fathom.

Princess Lucy

So I've been busy with...life...and I have picked out 4 bedding sets for Lucy and I was curious what everyone might think about these that I've narrowed it down to. Keep in mind, I'm eccentric. I'm different. I'm non-conventional. I'm also one for class and elegance. Let me know what you think!

Frank picked this one out. I adore it. It's so bright and adorbs.

This one..........this one makes us think of bubble gum and cotton candy. My princess would look adorable with this bedding.

I like how simple and pretty this one is. LOVE it.

It's purple....and it's fit for a princess.....what's not to love?

Go for it yall, give your opinions.

vaccinations and shitting unicorn wings

So I noticed a semi-heated debate on facebook today over vaccinating your kids. I'm rude and blunt and say what I think so since this is MY blog I'll write what I damn well please. While one mother brings up what seem like valid points on why NOT to vaccinate her very young chitlins, she also sounds really fucking stupid. While those moms that feel vaccination is best, their arguments sound stupid as shit compared to the blur of "medical facts" that "trump" the validity of giving these vaccinations. 

LET ME BREAK THIS DOWN FOR YOU BITCHES.

There was a time, a long long time ago where no one had any medicine. Being a good bit of Native American I'll be the first to say....herbal and alternative medicine is pretty much a bunch of fucking bullshit based on hit or miss incidents with different individuals and most of my ancestors believed in all this herbal shit. Some of it works, and I'll let them have those....but some shit is just stupid. Sure, American Indians are still around but shit they didn't have the largest populations to begin with and I'm sure the lack of medicine in their world didn't help. Another example : Laura Ingalls Wilder. My mother read these bullshit books to me as a kid. All I wanted to fucking do was run around like an ignorant little heathen like those little girls did. Babies died and girls went blind in those books. Anyone remember that? I'm all about being all natural and a peace lovin, tree huggin, organic lovin hippie. I'm not all about being fucking ignorant to the fact that medicine has come a long fucking way from the stupid little house in the big woods or the little house on the stupid disease infested prairie. I grew up a country kid. I played outside. I never wore shoes. I probably ate weird shit I found outside. I was a weird little redneck kid. I had fun but damnit my parents made sure I was always getting check ups. Why? Oh, because that's what you're supposed to do. 

Wait, there's bad shit in those shots I've been getting? I could kill my kid by giving them a shot? What's that? Beth died of fucking Scarlet Fever in Little Women? That's right. A fucking fever. You know why all those diseases from way back when have seemingly disappeared? Because a shit ton of fucking geniuses went to MEDICAL school and they graduated, ergo becoming OUR DOCTORS AND CAREGIVERS. I didn't fucking go to med school. I do what the dr's tell me bc they did. I'm not going to doubt the giant leaps and bounds science and medicine has made over the years because I don't want to risk some mercury?!? Shit I risked a lot more than that when I got pregnant and had the baby in the first place. How many risks come with pregnancy alone?!?! Sure I could give natural water birth to Lucy when she gets here because women for thousands of years have been birthing healthy babies in deserts and fields and wagons....but guess what, it's 20fucking12 and I'm not a Spartan woman. I'm a pansy princess bitch that likes to know my child will be born into a clean sterile environment.

I do not necessarily like all the shit that's in the medicine I've given Frankie that he could be exposed to, but the fact that there is a biological lockdown facility (thank you military and crazy people for creating possible zombie diseases, read here to see this scary shit) for shit like viruses that could lead to mass outbreaks makes me want to give him and Lucy whatever the dr says is best for him. We've reached medical breakthroughs and studied science for a fucking reason. As much as I would love for my kids to get swine flu, yellow fever, salmonella, measles, whooping cough, smallpox, polio and all those other awesome diseases I'll take my chances giving them shit that worked on me....vaccines. 

Dateline (among other things) has made the world paralyzed in fear over just about anything and everything. Basically, nothing is safe anymore. I will not call anyone a bad mother for giving them or not giving vaccinations. I will only loudly explain why I think it should be done. I'm sorry to those I've upset or offended (no I'm not) but if you want to check out some reasons why I'm all for it, check this out. 

Saying that there's no scientific proof that they work however, is the dumbest, most pathetic bullshit thing I've ever heard. Of course they've fucking studied it....of course they've done shit you've probably never heard about and OF COURSE hippies are going to tell you otherwise because hippies are batshit crazy and want everyone to just "chill" and "go with the flow" and "do what's natural". I'm half hippie, I'm down with trying not to ass rape mother Earth, but I'm not down with not taking Tylenol because it could potentially make me shit unicorn wings (see what I did there?). 

Enough about this vaccine bullshit, there's more important things for me to blog about. 

Teen Mom 2.  Jersey Shore.  My birthday.  The awesome cake I made.  Shitting unicorn wings. 

*disclaimer : this blog was written with very sarcastic hateful love. (see I did it again!!)

Youtube day.

I find it weird and creepy when childrens do: this shit.....

I don't think it's very cute.....or neat.......or amazing. 

I think it's fucking mind blowing that Susan Boyle looks like a cartoon from The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack but sounds like a chorus of little ear angels. Git DOWN with your bad self Susan!

And THESE little girls... 

I don't know if I get uncomfortable watching because I hate Nicki Minaj sooooo much or if it's because it is genuinely creepy, wrong, scary, and weird....and British....

I kind of want these little girls sedated but then again....


Also, this kid creeps me the fuck out and makes me cringe. Creepy.

....the bitch is baaaack.....

It's been a while. I apologize. I let someone get the better of me and felt it would be best if I behaved and stopped for a while. Well...now my bullshit "resolution" for the new year is to blog more. I know, I'm raising a small person who only gives me a small break once a day when he naps when I'm usually frantically running around trying to clean, pickup, vacuum, make the bed, shower, eat....and I have another one on the way in April so I'll be busy...but I'm determined to dedicate some time for myself...bc damnit...I need to keep my sanity.

What's been going on?

I'm having a little Princess, Lucy Roberts. She's due April 30th and I cannot try to put into words how thrilled I am. I'm getting one of each...a prince and a princess. I was shocked when I found out but I was equally excited. So things will be changing in our world. Hopefully Frank will get to take a step up to the position he wants now that he's seen what his job has to offer. If he gets this, we can move back home. It kind of makes me sad because I'm starting to really like it down here...but on the flip side, I want to go back home if I'm going to have TWO little gremlins to raise. I want to be close to our families especially since the new job prospect means traveling...a LOT. I can handle it all, and I'll be thankful for it all....but I want to be closer to home if that's what's going to happen...and that isn't selfish of me. 

There's been a lot of drama going on around me. I'm glad I'm not a part of it....but I will say this : If you have shitty things happen to you....accidents, fights, losing something or someone, an illness, loss of a job, whatever....it's probably karma biting you in the ass for being shitty in general. I was a shitty person, I was piles of shitty...and I got what was coming to me...and now that I've tried turning my life around I'm catching a few more breaks and life is getting easier for me one day at a time. I am finding it increasingly hard for me to sympathize or pity others or even show compassion because I felt like I did that for so long and it was abused so much, it's not worth the wasted feelings anymore. I CAN say however that while I won't wish anything negative on anyone or what they're going through...I WILL sit back and smile. If you put yourself in what you knew would be a stressful situation, I won't pat you on the back when shit gets hard. People left me in the dust to figure shit out on my own....and instead of "learning from it and being a better person" I'd rather not waste my time and just laugh. It's about time I got that opportunity. Just a thought...if you shit on my life or cause Frank to talk about anything I don't care to hear....I just might laugh when someone else craps on yours. 

The new me I'm turning into really only cares about Frank and our children. It's hard to care about others when they make it hard. I'm happy with the lioness mother I'm turning into.

Like I said...I'm back...and we all know I speak my mind as loud as I can....be prepared to be subtly called out on here for my own humor purposes....that's simply how I roll :)

And Before We Knew It....Fall Was Here...

Changes yo. Lots of them. Something insane for every month :/

October- Frankie's 1st Halloween. This is scary, I'm really starting to think he might be walking on his own by then and that's a big step for me to process. I'm proud Franny and myself have raised such a strong smart baby but it is the most painful thing to watch someone you made and who depended on you for every little thing suddenly start to not need you anymore. If you aren't a parent yet, please do your parents a favor and lie. Lie to them, make them feel all the time as though you need them in some way. Tell them you need them to help you decide how to cook dinner. You need help with your job, relationship, school, whatever. When Frankie pushes my hands away and tries to do things on his own it makes me proud he's able to but it secretly breaks my heart that he doesn't need me as much as he once did. I never thought I would be a very emotional parent or a needy parent but it seems as though I am truly a mirror image of my mother, I'm needy. I cry every day when I see him do something by himself and execute it so perfectly. It makes me so happy and sad at the same time. I'll be on suicide watch on his wedding day. Anyways, Halloween...what does he go as? Where should we take him? It's a big ordeal. I'm a hot mess over it. 

November...-....the month from HELL. Frankie turns 1. I will be on suicide watch yet again. I will be....the biggest hot mess....that ever roamed the Earth. I cannot fathom him turning a year old. It just....I can't even....tissues. Lots and lots of tissues. A plethora of tissues. Buy tissues or boxes of wine for me because I will need them. I will need copious amounts of both. I have no clue what kind of party to have, how to plan it, or where to have it, or if I even want to celebrate it because it means Frankie is one year closer to growing up and not needing his Momma anymore. Heeaarrttwrenching. Ok fine, I'm very excited about planning it but I'm dramatic and eccentric so I have to make a big deal of the entire ordeal and not just the day of cake and punch. I have an obligation to act as batshit crazy as Liza or Elizabeth on this subject. *And if you don't know which women I'm referring to we should maybe not be friends anymore....because it's no secret which crazy famous women of the world I adore*. Ideas for this huge event? Monster party? Monsters Inc. style? He could dress up as Frankenstein? One suggestion was Cars and no offence but HELLOOOO, his shower was Hot Wheels!!! (Thank you Whitney & Val for kicking ass and making it the most badass/adorable/awesome shower EVER) Cars would be cute....for when he's 5. Dinosaur party? Little Prince party? Royalty themed? Spongebob party because sometimes I think he loves Spongebob more than me and Dada. Rock n Roll themed? Ideas are appreciated. Right after his birthday is Thanksgiving....Jody, Mandy, you guys suck Godzilla balls for having to miss bday party AND Turkey day but you'll be here for Christmas so, comme ci comme ca. Teeechnically Frankie already had his 1st Thanksgiving but he was 3 days old and sleeping....all day. So...this year he can actually eat big people food as well which will be fun (BRING ON THE SWEET POTATOES!!!!). 

December- Frankie's. 1st. Real. Christmas. O.M.F.G. Last year at Christmas he was a month old and kinda chilled on the tree while Frank and I gave him all his gifts. Which he stared at....so this year he will actually be able to attempt to open presents and eat candy and act all crazy. Now the great debate of telling him about Santa....we should probably introduce him to Santa now so we can bribe him throughout the years to behave because we all know who sees you when you're sleeping...and who knows when you're awake....which is tres creepy on Santa's part. Which reminds me...This is how I see Santa...

And then New Years followed quickly by my birthday and then mine and Frank's anniversary. So....there will be something monumental each month for a while....and it's really exciting but very scary. So much change but it's all such good change. I want to share it all with everyone I love so very much but I'm just not sure how to make it possible. Oh, by facebook of course. Anyways. That my friends is what is going on in my head these days...party ideas, seriously....send them to me. I'm desperate. 

Teen Mom. More or Less, Farrah is a Heinous Bitch.

All I can honestly say about last weeks episode is hot damn Farrah is a heinous bitch. Seriously. Does she not remember that her parents let her live in their HUGE NICE other house!?!?! Did she forget that they pay for half her shit and watch Sophia all the time!?!?! I was reading on MTV's fan page that people think she's becoming a better mom and needs a chance and just needs an attitude adjustment....I say NAY. She needs a bitch slap. She needs a big fat bitch slap and dose of reality. I feel really bad her HIGH SCHOOL boyfriend died and I get that an accident like that can take it's tole on a person but do people HAVE to use death as a crutch forever?! And must she use it as an excuse to last out at everyone and be rude, disrespectful, hateful, and snobby to every person she meets? She's a horrible person and I feel bad for Sophia. That poor baby is going to be raised thinking that it's ok to treat people like dirt. At this point, I even like the fat one more than Farrah (Amber being the far on obvs). I don't even feel like writing about the other girls. I just want it known that Farrah is a rude ungrateful little bitch and she doesn't deserve all the chances she has been given. My mother drives me BAT SHIT CRAZY because she herself is BAT SHIT CRAZY....but damnit that's my mother. No she did not birth me, she adopted me. She adopted me even though I was sick, had no life expectancy, and had thousands of dollars in experimental and revolutionary medical operations ahead for me. She still raised me, loved me, and cared for me and for that alone I owe her more than my life. If I EVER raised my voice or cursed at or around my parents I would be spanked, lectured, and grounded. I can't say it's all her parents fault because I would give up after a while if I had to deal with it.This is why as much as it will hurt me, I will yell at my son when he does something horrible when he gets older. I will ground him, I will make him earn every item in his room, and I will not hesitate to bend him over my knee if he needs it...bc I WILL teach my son respect, manners, and rules. If I ended up with a male Farrah, I'd fuckin kill myself.

Reflection & Advice

So I find myself sitting here on this Saturday afternoon realizing that as school starts, so many people I know are starting college or high school or just growing up in general. One example is one of my best friends' little sister is starting her freshman year of college at my parents alma mater A&M and it just hit me....holy shit...I'm old, and nothing in life is slowing down for me to take in what's going on around me. In our Roberts household, we have a routine that consists of waking up, Frank going to work, Frankie waking up, coffee, snacks, playtime, lunch, playtime, snacks, Frank getting home, dinner, bath time, Daddy Meow and Momma Meow time watching tv, then bed...and all over again and before I know it, my son is almost 9 months old!?!? It hit me that time really does fly and sometimes it doesn't give you time to stand on your own two feet and see clearly. Sometimes you feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and you can't stop spinning. After all I've been through I feel like I have a lot to say to not just young people starting life on their own but to adults who have lost sight of what matters. After all this realization I decided that some of you might need a few words of advice. So...

Life has many lessons to learn. In them you learn who your real friends are & who really cares. These are the people to keep around even when you don't want to...because nothing is better than a true friend. Don't be scared to say I Love You...it's a scary phrase but you'll regret all the times you didn't say it more than the times you DID but didn't mean it. TALK. Don't be afraid to say what's truly on your heart & especially your mind...the words left unspoken will haunt you more than anything else ever could or will. Remember that every decision you make could make or break it with loved ones. People will always want what's "best for you" & some don't realize they want too much for you. We can only try to find a way to let them care without pushing them away. Don't take things or people for granted. Above all...remember that only with true love and peace can you TRULY be happy. Don't throw away either for the sake of your pride. Remember...your choices are half chance...so are everyone else's. LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. Don't be scared to jump into life...you may crash and burn...people may talk...but at least you'll know what it's like to LIVE.

And on a sentimental note? Here is something I have favored for a long time. It still makes me tear up. I listen to it whenever I need a pick me up or feel the need for advice. Soak it in and be grateful for every breath you take today.

My Going On's...

Why Megan, what's going on in your life? I'm curious as to how things are in your neck of the woods! 

How am I you ask? Well I'd sure love to tell ya! Pull up a chair...

Lately things have been happ-nin. My son Frankie (who is pure perfection in every way) has two little parrot teeth on the bottom and this leads to really horrible shitty nursing sessions. I love my son, but I hate having my boobies gnawed on. Gross you say? Well screw off, you're not the one having boobies bitten ya asshole. What else...I started selling Avon...so...if you're reading this, do me a solid and stop fucking wasting time on a g.d. blog and go to avon.com and buy some Avon from me because those dollhairs I make help feed/clothe/diaper my child...and every day you DON'T buy something from me, you are actively NOT helping my child! So, how's that for guilt...ok don't buy stuff if you don't want to but I'd sure love it if you did. I started doing it because...well, because several reasons. We're always broke as shit (who isn't when you have a baby) and it gives me something to do. It makes me feel like I have purpose. Being a stay at home mom is really hard on a person. I sometimes feel kinda useless since Frank is the breadwinner and although I love Frank and he's perfect and all, sometimes even he makes me feel like I could be doing more...so frustrating. All I used to do was work work work and now....now I do nothing but sit at home...and pick up toys...and feed the small one cheerios...and make juice bottles..and do the dishes...and cooking for 3...and laundry...and I know some of those things are things a normal single girl would do by herself but...not daily. These things are daily and it just...seems like I'm stagnant...then again someone pointed out that it only seems like it's going faster but my job is to raise Frankie and I forget how fast he's growing because I see him everyday...but everyday he grows in leaps and bounds and even though it seems repetitive to me it's kinda new for him everyday and he's slowly becoming a small person. I should be proud of that...it's just hard sometimes to pat yourself on the back when it seems like you're running in circles. 

Other things on my mind...how do you forgive people when they do what seems like unforgivable things in your eyes? Like...do people just move on and forgive and forget? As I grow older I'm starting to think that not everything is forgivable. I see people in a different light now that I'm older, sober, and a mother and I don't like what I'm seeing. Maybe I need to meditate on what I have to say and save it for tomorrow...leave you guys wanting more...

Teen Mom...ugh.

Sorry, I've been slacking. I keep finding it harder and harder for me to sit down and write....but I swear I'm gonna get back on it...because I find it keeps me sane...and it keeps my friends/readers in the loop that is my insanity.

Teen Mom. Last week and this week...let me elaborate my thoughts. Let us start withhhh.....

Farrah-

Dear Farrah, you are an obnoxious snooty bitch and I have yet to find the ability to NOT feel like cunt punting you. Even when you cry about your dead boyfriend, I don't give a shit. Over the last two episodes we watched her worry about only herself (yet again) and belittle those around her that try and help (her poor mother). She has acted SO immature about the issue with Derek's mom. For those of you living under a rock and don't know what's going on, Farrahs' would be mother in law served her with papers to grant her grandparent visitation rights. The odd thing here is when Farrah applied for Derek's social security benefits for Sophia she was denied because Derek's mom never vocalized that Derek was in need Sophia's father...but if he wasn't her father then why would she want Grandparent visitation rights? See what I'm sayin? I think the only shitty thing in Farrah's life is the denial of SS money for that baby because even though she finally graduated from culinary school, she still needs all the financial help she can get for that baby and if that baby's grandmother isn't willing to do that for that baby then maybe Farrah needs to take legal action. Maybe instead of being childish and doing nothing about it (assuming it will all go away if ignored) maybe she should reach out to Derek's mom and let her know, "Bitch, if you aren't gonna help out with the SS situation to help me raise this baby and acknowledge that your son is the father of this baby then you sure as shit don't deserve grandparent visitation!" It's also kind of selfish for Farrah to deny a grandparent visitation since Sophia is a part of someone's dead child...I understand not wanting a grandparent in a child's life (I'll write about that one next) but it's not fair to the child, it's not always about the parent (so I myself have learned). And about the stupid dog she got? Dumb. Dumb fucking choice Farrah. You can barely keep up with your HUMAN CHILD....I'm sure some viewer will be calling ASPCA on your ass by next weeks episode because you suck. At everything. And you still have the worlds WORST, UGLIEST crying face. Congrats.

On to Caitlyn and Tyler.

I'm still ooged out that they are legally step brother and sister...but I LOVE them. They are soooo kind, sweet, and genuine which is a shock considering where they come from. I'm so proud of them for moving out on their own and getting jobs while STILL in high school! It's almost like they're doing what they would have had to do if they HAD kept Carly...and that's why I love them so much...they do so withOUT complaining. It's heartbreaking to see what Caitlyn is going through at the retreat and as a child that was given up for adoption, it's hard for me to watch her story unfold but at the same time...it gives me hope that my birth mother maybe felt the same way she did and maybe went through what she did. She gives us an eye opening account of what it's like to be a mother and not be a parent...I always have and always will root for those two. I hope they go far and continue to keep contact with Carly's new parents.

Maci....for the first time, I have beef with Maci. Last week, she and Ryan decided to have a joined birthday party for Bentley but Maci got stingy with her time with him. I know it must be hard to leave your child 2 days a week...but she has him 5, FIVE days out of the week and the rest of the time he's with HIS FATHER. It's not the end of the world! Granted, on Bentley's actual birthday she and Kyle invited Ryan to go with them to the aquarium and he turned them down (telling his parents that Maci said he couldn't see Bentley...which was a lie). Ryan later bitched at Bentley's birthday party to his parents but it's his own fault he didn't see Bentley. Ryan is half and half. Sometimes you can see he wants to spend time with him but other times he doesn't make a TRUE HONEST effort to see his son. If he wanted to see his son on his bday, he shoulda been a grown up, and tit sucked it up and gone to the g.d. aquarium and spent time with his son. It would have helped him bond with Kyle who is playing more of a dad role in Bentley's life anyways... Another issue I have with Ryan and his family is his stupid mom. She cried at their little bon fire over how Maci wasn't "sharing"...and yeah Maci was being a bitch about Halloween and hogging time with Bentley but it's none of the grandparents god damned business. Like Ryan's dad said, it's about Bentley, not Ryan, not Maci, and sure as shit not them. Then Ryan's parents have the balls to go on about taking Maci to court for joint custody...let me just remind EVERYONE that when Ryan and Maci first had Bentley, the only footage that was shown was Ryan treating Maci like shit and never being there for her OR Bentley. It seems like this season he had a come to Jesus moment and wants to spend more time with him but he STILL doesn't want to be a full time dad...he acts like Bentley is more like a chore and I think the only reason he's difficult is to try and get at Maci. He says he doesn't care but he obviously does or else he would try and make the whole sharing thing a lot easier. Oh, and Ryan...your mom is a dumb bitch for thinking you can take Maci to court just because she lives with Ryan. Why don't you call up good old MTV and ask them to show you all the times your precious son acted like a piece of shit dad and didn't want to spend time with his son while Maci stayed cooped up taking care of him all day every day. Why don't you take a look at all the times he cussed Maci out calling her a bitch and a slut. That's the mother of YOUR grandson...have some class and have some common sense when it comes to your own son. When your own son grows up enough to move out on his own (like EVERYONE else on the show, Christ even Gary and Amber have) and actually take care of his son then maybe you can talk shit about what Maci is doing as a parent because all I saw was her having a healthy functional relationship with someone while being a full time mom and student while your son wasn't working and just partying or hanging out in yalls garage with all his buddies or his dumb gf he had for a while that tried to undermine Maci's parenting. Maci wins, and Ryan is a fucking dickbag.

Amber and Gary...GOOOOODDDD bless it. Where do I START!?!?!?!!?! AMBER....IS YOUR FAT ASS REALLY THAT MESSED UP THAT YOU ARE IN THAT MUCH DENIAL OF YOUR ACTIONS!?!?!?!?! I don't understand...MTV films this shit, then airs it, and all these bitches watch themselves on tv....and Amber is THE ONLY one that seems to act/think/feel that nothing that happened...happened. !?!?!?!?! I'm sure the cameras make things out to be whatever they want it to be but Amber's behavior has been heavily monitored since last season and she hasn't done ANYTHING to better herself. I keep reading that her issue is her weight and she's "terrified" about going back to being big...newsflash bitch, you're a fat cow with a shitty attitude, bi-polar disorder, and serious lack of parenting skills. "Oh but Megan, as a mother yourself, you shouldn't tear her down!" You're right bitches, I AM a mother, she is a pathetic excuse for a "parent" bc she sure as shit isn't a mother. I don't give a damn how young you are or how undeveloped your feelings and mind are because the other 3 girls have shown they can do it...well...Farrah attempts at it...but damnit at least she tries. Amber and Gary both should just put that poor child up for adoption in hopes of a better life for her. Apparently Gary and Leah flew out to Malibu to visit Amber in rehab at the first of August...real nice, Amber is fat, depressed, and suicidal so she gets to go to a rehab facility in MALIBU!?!?! Shove that bitch in a crappy dump in shiteous Indiana and don't send her to the home of Barbie. That's a crock of shit. I don't even want to talk about her anymore. Or Leah's shitty birthday party. I'm too upset to discuss it. Bottom line, Gary and Amber really screwed the pooch when they made a baby...only because they did such a royal fuck job "raising" her. I pray to God CPS takes her away and lets be her adopted into a REAL home with NORMAL people. The END!

Bambling

Things have been on my mind. Lots of things....let me get started.

Casey Anthony-I want her to literally drop dead. I don't give a shit if someone shoots her, or if she gets hit by a bus, or run over by a train....I would just like for her to drop dead. I think she's a useless crazy piece of shit and if she didn't murder her 2 year old baby girl (she totally did) then she didn't do shit about her "missing" and for that alone she deserves to drop dead. End of story. Also...I hate Jose Baez. I don't know how the fuck the jury found him "likeable". He makes me want to punch myself in the vagina. 

Speaking of babies? Teething ones make me want to coincidentally pull out my out teeth. I love my son more than anything in the universe but let it be known...any baby getting his first tooth WILL make you want to shoot yourself at some point in time. You can't do much about it. Not to mention my son is already a whiny momma's boy...but I'm ok with that. It's amazing to see a person grow right before your eyes. Something as small as a tooth is such a milestone that adults just gush over. He's eating big people food now, off my plate! I can't believe how fast he's growing up...its scary. Makes me wish I could freeze time...

Teen Mom

So it's time for me to grace the world with my thoughts on Teen Mom. I watched the season premier and let me give you the run down for what I hope to see for each mom throughout the season.

Let's start with the easy ones. Maci. I hope to god this sweet girl can say what I'm thinking and tell Ryan that he can kindly fuck off. He's not been the best example for a parent so I don't think he has a whole hell of a lot of room to judge her for moving in with Kyle (the bf I absolutely adore) and trying to make a stable home for her precious baby boy Bentley. In the first episode, Ryan had the audacity to tell Maci that people wanted to know if Kyle was "slow". This coming from the idiot who is going to coast through life on his decent looks alone. My favorite part about it all? Kyle found out what Ryan asked and his response? Classic. When Maci asked why he couldn't get along with Ryan he said, "Because he's a 3 year old...and so am I right now" and when Maci laughed and asked for a kiss, he quickly responded with "No" "Why not?" "Because I don't know how, I'm slow". These two are my favorite. Maci is trying and she seems like such a damn good mom. Unless she screws it up, she will remain my favorite. I hope she and Kyle move in together and I hope they find a way to make Ryan realize, the time has come to grow up and start moving on as separate people and do it maturely...because that's what's best for sweet little Bentley.

Caitlyn and Tyler...bless their hearts, they have the craziest situation and yet seem to be the most healthy happy ones out of the whole thing. Sure, they're still immature but I have to remember they're still kids. They are somehow coping with having batshit crazy and verbally abusive parents. Adoption isn't easy on a person and since they chose open adoption, they still feel the need to do "What's best for Caylee" on a daily basis even though they don't have her anymore. I really respect that. I hope they do move out and live together...I hope they make it work and show everyone they can do it and I hope they graduate from high school with diploma's. I'm rooting for them!

Farrah. Ughhh...I hope she stops being such a selfish bi-polar little bitch and stops whining about Sophia's dad Derek. He's dead. He died. He's worm food...get over it for cryin out loud! She's going to use his death as an excuse to be a hot mess for the next 3 years...I know it. I hope she stops having such a footface and I hope she realizes that her "modeling" is nothing more than posing behind a cheap local brand's camera at the very best and since she isn't Giselle she won't make enough money to support herself and Sophia...and a gd boob job won't fuckin help a bit. She has a trampy footface and her crying face makes me want to punch a kitten and or puppy. I hope she grows up, gets a real job, and stops being so obnoxious. I'm actually typing with anger at this point and killing my keys so let me go grab a cookie and get my mind off of Farrah.

Annnnnd Amber....ugh. Well, I give her props to dumping the weird creepy clingy guy that was so lame and trying to get her family back together...but lets not forget what all this crazy bitch did when the cameras stopped rolling after last season. She was charged and plead guilty to domestic violence chargers and lost custody of Leah (I can't WAIITTT to see this!) because domestic violence in front of a child is a felony in Indiana. Good. I'm glad. That bitch is bi-polar and bat shit crazy and shouldn't be around her child until she gets help (or sedatives). She ALSO tried to commit suicide last month. She got in yet another fight with Gary (I'm sure over something awesome, like how much he loves her and tried to calm her down and she flipped out) and then took a bunch of pills and was found with a rope around her neck drifting in and out of consciousness. I don't know what the hell to think about her. She's so crazy and mean and absolutely delusional I just think I'll have to wait and see how the season plays out before I bash her to bits. 

Stay tuned guys....this season is gonna be the balls and I can't wait. 

Happy Berfday Brit-knee.

So, my female soul mate suggested that I write about Joaquin Phoenix. It's her day of birth...so I'll humor her with my thoughts on him.

I remember a very young Joaquin in the movie Parenthood...when he had a masturbation problem. I find this highlarious...to be your first role? Maybe this is the root of his..."insanity". He started out gorgeous and talented.

I about fell over my feet swooning over him as the evil emperor in Gladiator. I thought he was so handsome and sexy in Signs. Then he stunned me with Walk the Line...and started gettin a little sloppy.

He unexpectedly announced in late 2008 that he had retired from acting to pursue a "rapping career", and that Two Lovers would be his last film. On February 11, 2009, Phoenix appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman to promote Two Lovers. He was absofruitly bat shit crazy, acting bizarre and was outrageously unresponsive towards David's questions about the film and such. Phoenix appeared on Late Show again in September 2010 and claimed that his "retirement" and eccentric behavior were for a mockumentary, I'm Still Here (2010), that he and Casey Affleck were filming.

This says different.

The man is wearing a fucking e-z comb. WTF!?!?!?!?! Not to mention his profile sure doesn resemble a currently derranged Mel Gibson. I hope to god he doesn't snap and go as crazy as him or Charlie Sheen. My little heart can't handle another heartbreak from one of my faves gone nutzo. All I know is The Master (set to release in 2013) better kick some serious ass and prove to me that he isn't a lost cause.

I don't want him to go to waste after Gladiator, Signs, The Village, Hotel Rwanda, Ladder 49, Walk the Line, We Own the Night, or Reservation Road because every one of those were amazing films. In the mean time...

verse 1:

(whispered) can’t f**k around

lift up higher turn yourself around

knees and chest then f**kin on the ground

get up kids and eat a bowl of damages

get your ass in the game (dramatic pause)

lift up higher turn yourself around

knees and chest then f**kin on the ground

get up kids and look all around

get …

get …
get….

(unintelligable unintelligable, unintelligable)

it’s gettin’ hot in here

repeat chorus

fall off stage

GAGA Ooo La La

Perfection. Creativity. Originality. Inspiration. Happiness. Freedom.

Most musicians strive to achieve all the above. Few actually achieve it. To me music is something that moves your soul. I sing. I dance. I play instruments. I do all very well. Ergo, I would like to think I can openly discuss the matter of music with justification for my conclusions. I don't always like what others like and others don't always see what I see and that's fine. One thing I do see that most of the world is in agreement with is Lady Gaga is so damn perfect she just might be the anti-Christ.

In MY eyes....she puts Madonna to shame. She makes Cher boring. She has made Dolly seem boring. She makes Celine barely a memory.

She isn't the most beautiful woman in the world...and that is why I find her so beautiful. She looks like the average girl next door....she just travels by egg.

If you ever have some time to kill, just youtube all her music videos. The time, passion, attention to detail, and careful planning that go into all of them are just a mind fuck to watch. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around the possibility that there is someone out there in  this world that is amazing and talented enough to come up with the insanity that she produces. Her sound...her lyrics...her look...her everyday speech and ideals....they make me want to persue my love for music. Her love and appreciation are a trip in an age where most want to descriminate or be ungrateful.

I mean it when I say...I love Lady Gaga. She quickly became my favorite person. I would give my right boob to hang out with her for a day and get to know her. She does so much and does it so well and with such grace...she has to be the anti-Christ...here to mind fuck us all into hell.

If that's the case...may I burn in hell happily.

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

J'veux ton amour

I don't wanna be friends



I'm Baaaaccckkkk

Well, so much has changed since I last wrote but now that we are settled in our new life here in Roanoke I think it's time for me to start writing again. 

So what to talk about since I haven't written in so long? How about my son. When I was writing before he wasn't here yet and I was just mentally preparing for what was to come and I must say, NOTHING could have prepared me for Mommy mode. It is literally THE GREATEST thing that a person could experience. I've said I was happy before and it's almost heartbreaking at how far from "happy" I really was!!! My son is just the apple of my eye!!! It's alarming/gratifying at how fast he is growing and learning. He's developing so fast it's hard them o decide what to feel. Part of me is proud and excited and yet every single night before Frank gets home he takes a nap before dinner and he curls up on my chest and I take a moment to turn off the tv and just be consumed by all his perfection. Every single day I cry and hug him and wish he was still just a baby newborn and then cry and thank God he's so healthy, beautiful, and intelligent. I understand why growing up is so hard for parents to watch. I want another child so bad but I don't know if I can handle the heartbreak of them growing up. It's a beautiful amazing thing but it's hard to think that soon they won't need you or want you as much. I cannot adequately describe the love and infatuation I have for my son. I say infatuated because something new every single day just has me unable to tear my eyes away from him. If he's a disease I'll willingly and happily die by his illness.

 

A good friend recently asked me how Frank and I make it work. I told them, I have no fucking clue. I don't know that we "work" at all sometimes bc of our differences but somehow we seem to see past it all no matter what. We fight hard but love each other harder and that's something I'm proud of. When he walks in the door from work every night, the sight of him alone makes my heart skip a beat. When we put Frankie to bed and kiss his forhead, I swoon at how much he loves and cares for our son. When we are driving down the road on our little family trips to the mall or out to eat and he takes my hand, I feel my cheeks get flushed and I always smile. When he rolls over and bear cuddles me at night telling me he loves me and goodnight, my HEART smiles. When I hear his ringtone or text tone go off my stomach gets into knots and I can't wait to grab my phone and see what he says. Frank drives me absolutely crazy all the time. He knows how to push my buttons and he will do it without remorse. He does things continuously knowing how much I hate them....but at the end of the day I'll be damned if I don't find myself still in that "honeymoon" stage and just nearly unable to contain my love for my BEST FRIEND.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't know how or why anything has turned out the way it has for me but I know it's perfection and it's more than I ever could have asked for. I went from a hot mess, irresponsible, raging alcoholic to....whatever I am now. A sober, happy, healthy mom and life partner and I'd like to think I'm damn good at both. It isn't easy. It's hard. I was warned but warnings can't prepare you. I didn't think I'd be able to do it either but....here I am. I'm doing it happily and it's getting easier. I'm doing what I was meant to do...be a mommy.

 

I've come to realize....Frank is my soulmate and Frankie is my soul.

"The British owner of Segway was killed after apparently driving one of the 2-wheeled personal tranporters off a cliff in northern England, West Yorkshire police told the Associated Press.
The body of James Heselden and his Segway were found in the River Wharfe. Police said witnesses said they saw a man fall Sunday over a 30-foot drop into the river in a popular hiking area near the village of Boston Spa, 140 miles north of London" - USA Today.

........I just want to ask, HOW THE HELL DO YOU FALL OFF A CLIFF ON A SEGWAY!?!?!?! Anyone else think that suicide MIGHT be behind this? I don't want to "speak ill of the dead"...so I'm hoping it was a real legit accident but how...HOW?!?!? HOW DO YOU DRIVE A SEGWAY OFF A CLIFF ON ACCIDENT!?!?!?!

Sad News Bears :(

Gloria Stuart passed away at 100 years old! Sad news. You probably don't recognize the name...she's best remembered as old lady sassy pants that talked about erotic moments in her life in Titanic as the old version of Rose. Yeah, I liked that lady...and might I add she was pretty amazing in The Invisible Man (1933). Epic woman, sad she passed away.

Stephen Colbert in all his glory....

http://www.redlasso.com/ClipPlayer.aspx?id=32ecd95f-a112-45ce-ae55-f75fd2394d10


one word. scrumtrulescent.

Elmo and his Elho.

Katy Perry decided to show her tittays on Sesame Street and I don't know which side I'm on completely. She wasn't all out there and sure there's netting that technically covers them up but....I still think the dress could have been a little more conservative. It's Sesame Street man! I don't wanna raise my son watching Miley Cyrus in a few years on there in some of her booty shorts....meh.

It's not super offensive but considering Katy's background and upbringing....ehhh. Yeah her kissing girls and liking it was kinda shocking and all but she's no Lady Gaga. Still can't believe she had the balls to say she was offended by Gaga's Alejandro video and the red tape on her vajayjay and tittays all while California Girls had just been released with her nude on some cotton candy clouds and whipped cream cans shootin cool whip from her tits. Whatever. I don't love her anymore. Too much Katy, too much.