And Before We Knew It....Fall Was Here...

Changes yo. Lots of them. Something insane for every month :/

October- Frankie's 1st Halloween. This is scary, I'm really starting to think he might be walking on his own by then and that's a big step for me to process. I'm proud Franny and myself have raised such a strong smart baby but it is the most painful thing to watch someone you made and who depended on you for every little thing suddenly start to not need you anymore. If you aren't a parent yet, please do your parents a favor and lie. Lie to them, make them feel all the time as though you need them in some way. Tell them you need them to help you decide how to cook dinner. You need help with your job, relationship, school, whatever. When Frankie pushes my hands away and tries to do things on his own it makes me proud he's able to but it secretly breaks my heart that he doesn't need me as much as he once did. I never thought I would be a very emotional parent or a needy parent but it seems as though I am truly a mirror image of my mother, I'm needy. I cry every day when I see him do something by himself and execute it so perfectly. It makes me so happy and sad at the same time. I'll be on suicide watch on his wedding day. Anyways, Halloween...what does he go as? Where should we take him? It's a big ordeal. I'm a hot mess over it. 

November...-....the month from HELL. Frankie turns 1. I will be on suicide watch yet again. I will be....the biggest hot mess....that ever roamed the Earth. I cannot fathom him turning a year old. It just....I can't even....tissues. Lots and lots of tissues. A plethora of tissues. Buy tissues or boxes of wine for me because I will need them. I will need copious amounts of both. I have no clue what kind of party to have, how to plan it, or where to have it, or if I even want to celebrate it because it means Frankie is one year closer to growing up and not needing his Momma anymore. Heeaarrttwrenching. Ok fine, I'm very excited about planning it but I'm dramatic and eccentric so I have to make a big deal of the entire ordeal and not just the day of cake and punch. I have an obligation to act as batshit crazy as Liza or Elizabeth on this subject. *And if you don't know which women I'm referring to we should maybe not be friends anymore....because it's no secret which crazy famous women of the world I adore*. Ideas for this huge event? Monster party? Monsters Inc. style? He could dress up as Frankenstein? One suggestion was Cars and no offence but HELLOOOO, his shower was Hot Wheels!!! (Thank you Whitney & Val for kicking ass and making it the most badass/adorable/awesome shower EVER) Cars would be cute....for when he's 5. Dinosaur party? Little Prince party? Royalty themed? Spongebob party because sometimes I think he loves Spongebob more than me and Dada. Rock n Roll themed? Ideas are appreciated. Right after his birthday is Thanksgiving....Jody, Mandy, you guys suck Godzilla balls for having to miss bday party AND Turkey day but you'll be here for Christmas so, comme ci comme ca. Teeechnically Frankie already had his 1st Thanksgiving but he was 3 days old and sleeping....all day. So...this year he can actually eat big people food as well which will be fun (BRING ON THE SWEET POTATOES!!!!). 

December- Frankie's. 1st. Real. Christmas. O.M.F.G. Last year at Christmas he was a month old and kinda chilled on the tree while Frank and I gave him all his gifts. Which he stared at....so this year he will actually be able to attempt to open presents and eat candy and act all crazy. Now the great debate of telling him about Santa....we should probably introduce him to Santa now so we can bribe him throughout the years to behave because we all know who sees you when you're sleeping...and who knows when you're awake....which is tres creepy on Santa's part. Which reminds me...This is how I see Santa...

And then New Years followed quickly by my birthday and then mine and Frank's anniversary. So....there will be something monumental each month for a while....and it's really exciting but very scary. So much change but it's all such good change. I want to share it all with everyone I love so very much but I'm just not sure how to make it possible. Oh, by facebook of course. Anyways. That my friends is what is going on in my head these days...party ideas, seriously....send them to me. I'm desperate. 

Teen Mom. More or Less, Farrah is a Heinous Bitch.

All I can honestly say about last weeks episode is hot damn Farrah is a heinous bitch. Seriously. Does she not remember that her parents let her live in their HUGE NICE other house!?!?! Did she forget that they pay for half her shit and watch Sophia all the time!?!?! I was reading on MTV's fan page that people think she's becoming a better mom and needs a chance and just needs an attitude adjustment....I say NAY. She needs a bitch slap. She needs a big fat bitch slap and dose of reality. I feel really bad her HIGH SCHOOL boyfriend died and I get that an accident like that can take it's tole on a person but do people HAVE to use death as a crutch forever?! And must she use it as an excuse to last out at everyone and be rude, disrespectful, hateful, and snobby to every person she meets? She's a horrible person and I feel bad for Sophia. That poor baby is going to be raised thinking that it's ok to treat people like dirt. At this point, I even like the fat one more than Farrah (Amber being the far on obvs). I don't even feel like writing about the other girls. I just want it known that Farrah is a rude ungrateful little bitch and she doesn't deserve all the chances she has been given. My mother drives me BAT SHIT CRAZY because she herself is BAT SHIT CRAZY....but damnit that's my mother. No she did not birth me, she adopted me. She adopted me even though I was sick, had no life expectancy, and had thousands of dollars in experimental and revolutionary medical operations ahead for me. She still raised me, loved me, and cared for me and for that alone I owe her more than my life. If I EVER raised my voice or cursed at or around my parents I would be spanked, lectured, and grounded. I can't say it's all her parents fault because I would give up after a while if I had to deal with it.This is why as much as it will hurt me, I will yell at my son when he does something horrible when he gets older. I will ground him, I will make him earn every item in his room, and I will not hesitate to bend him over my knee if he needs it...bc I WILL teach my son respect, manners, and rules. If I ended up with a male Farrah, I'd fuckin kill myself.

Reflection & Advice

So I find myself sitting here on this Saturday afternoon realizing that as school starts, so many people I know are starting college or high school or just growing up in general. One example is one of my best friends' little sister is starting her freshman year of college at my parents alma mater A&M and it just hit me....holy shit...I'm old, and nothing in life is slowing down for me to take in what's going on around me. In our Roberts household, we have a routine that consists of waking up, Frank going to work, Frankie waking up, coffee, snacks, playtime, lunch, playtime, snacks, Frank getting home, dinner, bath time, Daddy Meow and Momma Meow time watching tv, then bed...and all over again and before I know it, my son is almost 9 months old!?!? It hit me that time really does fly and sometimes it doesn't give you time to stand on your own two feet and see clearly. Sometimes you feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and you can't stop spinning. After all I've been through I feel like I have a lot to say to not just young people starting life on their own but to adults who have lost sight of what matters. After all this realization I decided that some of you might need a few words of advice. So...

Life has many lessons to learn. In them you learn who your real friends are & who really cares. These are the people to keep around even when you don't want to...because nothing is better than a true friend. Don't be scared to say I Love You...it's a scary phrase but you'll regret all the times you didn't say it more than the times you DID but didn't mean it. TALK. Don't be afraid to say what's truly on your heart & especially your mind...the words left unspoken will haunt you more than anything else ever could or will. Remember that every decision you make could make or break it with loved ones. People will always want what's "best for you" & some don't realize they want too much for you. We can only try to find a way to let them care without pushing them away. Don't take things or people for granted. Above all...remember that only with true love and peace can you TRULY be happy. Don't throw away either for the sake of your pride. Remember...your choices are half chance...so are everyone else's. LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE. Don't be scared to jump into life...you may crash and burn...people may talk...but at least you'll know what it's like to LIVE.

And on a sentimental note? Here is something I have favored for a long time. It still makes me tear up. I listen to it whenever I need a pick me up or feel the need for advice. Soak it in and be grateful for every breath you take today.

My Going On's...

Why Megan, what's going on in your life? I'm curious as to how things are in your neck of the woods! 

How am I you ask? Well I'd sure love to tell ya! Pull up a chair...

Lately things have been happ-nin. My son Frankie (who is pure perfection in every way) has two little parrot teeth on the bottom and this leads to really horrible shitty nursing sessions. I love my son, but I hate having my boobies gnawed on. Gross you say? Well screw off, you're not the one having boobies bitten ya asshole. What else...I started selling Avon...so...if you're reading this, do me a solid and stop fucking wasting time on a g.d. blog and go to avon.com and buy some Avon from me because those dollhairs I make help feed/clothe/diaper my child...and every day you DON'T buy something from me, you are actively NOT helping my child! So, how's that for guilt...ok don't buy stuff if you don't want to but I'd sure love it if you did. I started doing it because...well, because several reasons. We're always broke as shit (who isn't when you have a baby) and it gives me something to do. It makes me feel like I have purpose. Being a stay at home mom is really hard on a person. I sometimes feel kinda useless since Frank is the breadwinner and although I love Frank and he's perfect and all, sometimes even he makes me feel like I could be doing more...so frustrating. All I used to do was work work work and now....now I do nothing but sit at home...and pick up toys...and feed the small one cheerios...and make juice bottles..and do the dishes...and cooking for 3...and laundry...and I know some of those things are things a normal single girl would do by herself but...not daily. These things are daily and it just...seems like I'm stagnant...then again someone pointed out that it only seems like it's going faster but my job is to raise Frankie and I forget how fast he's growing because I see him everyday...but everyday he grows in leaps and bounds and even though it seems repetitive to me it's kinda new for him everyday and he's slowly becoming a small person. I should be proud of that...it's just hard sometimes to pat yourself on the back when it seems like you're running in circles. 

Other things on my mind...how do you forgive people when they do what seems like unforgivable things in your eyes? Like...do people just move on and forgive and forget? As I grow older I'm starting to think that not everything is forgivable. I see people in a different light now that I'm older, sober, and a mother and I don't like what I'm seeing. Maybe I need to meditate on what I have to say and save it for tomorrow...leave you guys wanting more...

Teen Mom...ugh.

Sorry, I've been slacking. I keep finding it harder and harder for me to sit down and write....but I swear I'm gonna get back on it...because I find it keeps me sane...and it keeps my friends/readers in the loop that is my insanity.

Teen Mom. Last week and this week...let me elaborate my thoughts. Let us start withhhh.....

Farrah-

Dear Farrah, you are an obnoxious snooty bitch and I have yet to find the ability to NOT feel like cunt punting you. Even when you cry about your dead boyfriend, I don't give a shit. Over the last two episodes we watched her worry about only herself (yet again) and belittle those around her that try and help (her poor mother). She has acted SO immature about the issue with Derek's mom. For those of you living under a rock and don't know what's going on, Farrahs' would be mother in law served her with papers to grant her grandparent visitation rights. The odd thing here is when Farrah applied for Derek's social security benefits for Sophia she was denied because Derek's mom never vocalized that Derek was in need Sophia's father...but if he wasn't her father then why would she want Grandparent visitation rights? See what I'm sayin? I think the only shitty thing in Farrah's life is the denial of SS money for that baby because even though she finally graduated from culinary school, she still needs all the financial help she can get for that baby and if that baby's grandmother isn't willing to do that for that baby then maybe Farrah needs to take legal action. Maybe instead of being childish and doing nothing about it (assuming it will all go away if ignored) maybe she should reach out to Derek's mom and let her know, "Bitch, if you aren't gonna help out with the SS situation to help me raise this baby and acknowledge that your son is the father of this baby then you sure as shit don't deserve grandparent visitation!" It's also kind of selfish for Farrah to deny a grandparent visitation since Sophia is a part of someone's dead child...I understand not wanting a grandparent in a child's life (I'll write about that one next) but it's not fair to the child, it's not always about the parent (so I myself have learned). And about the stupid dog she got? Dumb. Dumb fucking choice Farrah. You can barely keep up with your HUMAN CHILD....I'm sure some viewer will be calling ASPCA on your ass by next weeks episode because you suck. At everything. And you still have the worlds WORST, UGLIEST crying face. Congrats.

On to Caitlyn and Tyler.

I'm still ooged out that they are legally step brother and sister...but I LOVE them. They are soooo kind, sweet, and genuine which is a shock considering where they come from. I'm so proud of them for moving out on their own and getting jobs while STILL in high school! It's almost like they're doing what they would have had to do if they HAD kept Carly...and that's why I love them so much...they do so withOUT complaining. It's heartbreaking to see what Caitlyn is going through at the retreat and as a child that was given up for adoption, it's hard for me to watch her story unfold but at the same time...it gives me hope that my birth mother maybe felt the same way she did and maybe went through what she did. She gives us an eye opening account of what it's like to be a mother and not be a parent...I always have and always will root for those two. I hope they go far and continue to keep contact with Carly's new parents.

Maci....for the first time, I have beef with Maci. Last week, she and Ryan decided to have a joined birthday party for Bentley but Maci got stingy with her time with him. I know it must be hard to leave your child 2 days a week...but she has him 5, FIVE days out of the week and the rest of the time he's with HIS FATHER. It's not the end of the world! Granted, on Bentley's actual birthday she and Kyle invited Ryan to go with them to the aquarium and he turned them down (telling his parents that Maci said he couldn't see Bentley...which was a lie). Ryan later bitched at Bentley's birthday party to his parents but it's his own fault he didn't see Bentley. Ryan is half and half. Sometimes you can see he wants to spend time with him but other times he doesn't make a TRUE HONEST effort to see his son. If he wanted to see his son on his bday, he shoulda been a grown up, and tit sucked it up and gone to the g.d. aquarium and spent time with his son. It would have helped him bond with Kyle who is playing more of a dad role in Bentley's life anyways... Another issue I have with Ryan and his family is his stupid mom. She cried at their little bon fire over how Maci wasn't "sharing"...and yeah Maci was being a bitch about Halloween and hogging time with Bentley but it's none of the grandparents god damned business. Like Ryan's dad said, it's about Bentley, not Ryan, not Maci, and sure as shit not them. Then Ryan's parents have the balls to go on about taking Maci to court for joint custody...let me just remind EVERYONE that when Ryan and Maci first had Bentley, the only footage that was shown was Ryan treating Maci like shit and never being there for her OR Bentley. It seems like this season he had a come to Jesus moment and wants to spend more time with him but he STILL doesn't want to be a full time dad...he acts like Bentley is more like a chore and I think the only reason he's difficult is to try and get at Maci. He says he doesn't care but he obviously does or else he would try and make the whole sharing thing a lot easier. Oh, and Ryan...your mom is a dumb bitch for thinking you can take Maci to court just because she lives with Ryan. Why don't you call up good old MTV and ask them to show you all the times your precious son acted like a piece of shit dad and didn't want to spend time with his son while Maci stayed cooped up taking care of him all day every day. Why don't you take a look at all the times he cussed Maci out calling her a bitch and a slut. That's the mother of YOUR grandson...have some class and have some common sense when it comes to your own son. When your own son grows up enough to move out on his own (like EVERYONE else on the show, Christ even Gary and Amber have) and actually take care of his son then maybe you can talk shit about what Maci is doing as a parent because all I saw was her having a healthy functional relationship with someone while being a full time mom and student while your son wasn't working and just partying or hanging out in yalls garage with all his buddies or his dumb gf he had for a while that tried to undermine Maci's parenting. Maci wins, and Ryan is a fucking dickbag.

Amber and Gary...GOOOOODDDD bless it. Where do I START!?!?!?!!?! AMBER....IS YOUR FAT ASS REALLY THAT MESSED UP THAT YOU ARE IN THAT MUCH DENIAL OF YOUR ACTIONS!?!?!?!?! I don't understand...MTV films this shit, then airs it, and all these bitches watch themselves on tv....and Amber is THE ONLY one that seems to act/think/feel that nothing that happened...happened. !?!?!?!?! I'm sure the cameras make things out to be whatever they want it to be but Amber's behavior has been heavily monitored since last season and she hasn't done ANYTHING to better herself. I keep reading that her issue is her weight and she's "terrified" about going back to being big...newsflash bitch, you're a fat cow with a shitty attitude, bi-polar disorder, and serious lack of parenting skills. "Oh but Megan, as a mother yourself, you shouldn't tear her down!" You're right bitches, I AM a mother, she is a pathetic excuse for a "parent" bc she sure as shit isn't a mother. I don't give a damn how young you are or how undeveloped your feelings and mind are because the other 3 girls have shown they can do it...well...Farrah attempts at it...but damnit at least she tries. Amber and Gary both should just put that poor child up for adoption in hopes of a better life for her. Apparently Gary and Leah flew out to Malibu to visit Amber in rehab at the first of August...real nice, Amber is fat, depressed, and suicidal so she gets to go to a rehab facility in MALIBU!?!?! Shove that bitch in a crappy dump in shiteous Indiana and don't send her to the home of Barbie. That's a crock of shit. I don't even want to talk about her anymore. Or Leah's shitty birthday party. I'm too upset to discuss it. Bottom line, Gary and Amber really screwed the pooch when they made a baby...only because they did such a royal fuck job "raising" her. I pray to God CPS takes her away and lets be her adopted into a REAL home with NORMAL people. The END!

Bambling

Things have been on my mind. Lots of things....let me get started.

Casey Anthony-I want her to literally drop dead. I don't give a shit if someone shoots her, or if she gets hit by a bus, or run over by a train....I would just like for her to drop dead. I think she's a useless crazy piece of shit and if she didn't murder her 2 year old baby girl (she totally did) then she didn't do shit about her "missing" and for that alone she deserves to drop dead. End of story. Also...I hate Jose Baez. I don't know how the fuck the jury found him "likeable". He makes me want to punch myself in the vagina. 

Speaking of babies? Teething ones make me want to coincidentally pull out my out teeth. I love my son more than anything in the universe but let it be known...any baby getting his first tooth WILL make you want to shoot yourself at some point in time. You can't do much about it. Not to mention my son is already a whiny momma's boy...but I'm ok with that. It's amazing to see a person grow right before your eyes. Something as small as a tooth is such a milestone that adults just gush over. He's eating big people food now, off my plate! I can't believe how fast he's growing up...its scary. Makes me wish I could freeze time...

Teen Mom

So it's time for me to grace the world with my thoughts on Teen Mom. I watched the season premier and let me give you the run down for what I hope to see for each mom throughout the season.

Let's start with the easy ones. Maci. I hope to god this sweet girl can say what I'm thinking and tell Ryan that he can kindly fuck off. He's not been the best example for a parent so I don't think he has a whole hell of a lot of room to judge her for moving in with Kyle (the bf I absolutely adore) and trying to make a stable home for her precious baby boy Bentley. In the first episode, Ryan had the audacity to tell Maci that people wanted to know if Kyle was "slow". This coming from the idiot who is going to coast through life on his decent looks alone. My favorite part about it all? Kyle found out what Ryan asked and his response? Classic. When Maci asked why he couldn't get along with Ryan he said, "Because he's a 3 year old...and so am I right now" and when Maci laughed and asked for a kiss, he quickly responded with "No" "Why not?" "Because I don't know how, I'm slow". These two are my favorite. Maci is trying and she seems like such a damn good mom. Unless she screws it up, she will remain my favorite. I hope she and Kyle move in together and I hope they find a way to make Ryan realize, the time has come to grow up and start moving on as separate people and do it maturely...because that's what's best for sweet little Bentley.

Caitlyn and Tyler...bless their hearts, they have the craziest situation and yet seem to be the most healthy happy ones out of the whole thing. Sure, they're still immature but I have to remember they're still kids. They are somehow coping with having batshit crazy and verbally abusive parents. Adoption isn't easy on a person and since they chose open adoption, they still feel the need to do "What's best for Caylee" on a daily basis even though they don't have her anymore. I really respect that. I hope they do move out and live together...I hope they make it work and show everyone they can do it and I hope they graduate from high school with diploma's. I'm rooting for them!

Farrah. Ughhh...I hope she stops being such a selfish bi-polar little bitch and stops whining about Sophia's dad Derek. He's dead. He died. He's worm food...get over it for cryin out loud! She's going to use his death as an excuse to be a hot mess for the next 3 years...I know it. I hope she stops having such a footface and I hope she realizes that her "modeling" is nothing more than posing behind a cheap local brand's camera at the very best and since she isn't Giselle she won't make enough money to support herself and Sophia...and a gd boob job won't fuckin help a bit. She has a trampy footface and her crying face makes me want to punch a kitten and or puppy. I hope she grows up, gets a real job, and stops being so obnoxious. I'm actually typing with anger at this point and killing my keys so let me go grab a cookie and get my mind off of Farrah.

Annnnnd Amber....ugh. Well, I give her props to dumping the weird creepy clingy guy that was so lame and trying to get her family back together...but lets not forget what all this crazy bitch did when the cameras stopped rolling after last season. She was charged and plead guilty to domestic violence chargers and lost custody of Leah (I can't WAIITTT to see this!) because domestic violence in front of a child is a felony in Indiana. Good. I'm glad. That bitch is bi-polar and bat shit crazy and shouldn't be around her child until she gets help (or sedatives). She ALSO tried to commit suicide last month. She got in yet another fight with Gary (I'm sure over something awesome, like how much he loves her and tried to calm her down and she flipped out) and then took a bunch of pills and was found with a rope around her neck drifting in and out of consciousness. I don't know what the hell to think about her. She's so crazy and mean and absolutely delusional I just think I'll have to wait and see how the season plays out before I bash her to bits. 

Stay tuned guys....this season is gonna be the balls and I can't wait. 

Happy Berfday Brit-knee.

So, my female soul mate suggested that I write about Joaquin Phoenix. It's her day of birth...so I'll humor her with my thoughts on him.

I remember a very young Joaquin in the movie Parenthood...when he had a masturbation problem. I find this highlarious...to be your first role? Maybe this is the root of his..."insanity". He started out gorgeous and talented.

I about fell over my feet swooning over him as the evil emperor in Gladiator. I thought he was so handsome and sexy in Signs. Then he stunned me with Walk the Line...and started gettin a little sloppy.

He unexpectedly announced in late 2008 that he had retired from acting to pursue a "rapping career", and that Two Lovers would be his last film. On February 11, 2009, Phoenix appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman to promote Two Lovers. He was absofruitly bat shit crazy, acting bizarre and was outrageously unresponsive towards David's questions about the film and such. Phoenix appeared on Late Show again in September 2010 and claimed that his "retirement" and eccentric behavior were for a mockumentary, I'm Still Here (2010), that he and Casey Affleck were filming.

This says different.

The man is wearing a fucking e-z comb. WTF!?!?!?!?! Not to mention his profile sure doesn resemble a currently derranged Mel Gibson. I hope to god he doesn't snap and go as crazy as him or Charlie Sheen. My little heart can't handle another heartbreak from one of my faves gone nutzo. All I know is The Master (set to release in 2013) better kick some serious ass and prove to me that he isn't a lost cause.

I don't want him to go to waste after Gladiator, Signs, The Village, Hotel Rwanda, Ladder 49, Walk the Line, We Own the Night, or Reservation Road because every one of those were amazing films. In the mean time...

verse 1:

(whispered) can’t f**k around

lift up higher turn yourself around

knees and chest then f**kin on the ground

get up kids and eat a bowl of damages

get your ass in the game (dramatic pause)

lift up higher turn yourself around

knees and chest then f**kin on the ground

get up kids and look all around

get …

get …
get….

(unintelligable unintelligable, unintelligable)

it’s gettin’ hot in here

repeat chorus

fall off stage

GAGA Ooo La La

Perfection. Creativity. Originality. Inspiration. Happiness. Freedom.

Most musicians strive to achieve all the above. Few actually achieve it. To me music is something that moves your soul. I sing. I dance. I play instruments. I do all very well. Ergo, I would like to think I can openly discuss the matter of music with justification for my conclusions. I don't always like what others like and others don't always see what I see and that's fine. One thing I do see that most of the world is in agreement with is Lady Gaga is so damn perfect she just might be the anti-Christ.

In MY eyes....she puts Madonna to shame. She makes Cher boring. She has made Dolly seem boring. She makes Celine barely a memory.

She isn't the most beautiful woman in the world...and that is why I find her so beautiful. She looks like the average girl next door....she just travels by egg.

If you ever have some time to kill, just youtube all her music videos. The time, passion, attention to detail, and careful planning that go into all of them are just a mind fuck to watch. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around the possibility that there is someone out there in  this world that is amazing and talented enough to come up with the insanity that she produces. Her sound...her lyrics...her look...her everyday speech and ideals....they make me want to persue my love for music. Her love and appreciation are a trip in an age where most want to descriminate or be ungrateful.

I mean it when I say...I love Lady Gaga. She quickly became my favorite person. I would give my right boob to hang out with her for a day and get to know her. She does so much and does it so well and with such grace...she has to be the anti-Christ...here to mind fuck us all into hell.

If that's the case...may I burn in hell happily.

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

J'veux ton amour

I don't wanna be friends



I'm Baaaaccckkkk

Well, so much has changed since I last wrote but now that we are settled in our new life here in Roanoke I think it's time for me to start writing again. 

So what to talk about since I haven't written in so long? How about my son. When I was writing before he wasn't here yet and I was just mentally preparing for what was to come and I must say, NOTHING could have prepared me for Mommy mode. It is literally THE GREATEST thing that a person could experience. I've said I was happy before and it's almost heartbreaking at how far from "happy" I really was!!! My son is just the apple of my eye!!! It's alarming/gratifying at how fast he is growing and learning. He's developing so fast it's hard them o decide what to feel. Part of me is proud and excited and yet every single night before Frank gets home he takes a nap before dinner and he curls up on my chest and I take a moment to turn off the tv and just be consumed by all his perfection. Every single day I cry and hug him and wish he was still just a baby newborn and then cry and thank God he's so healthy, beautiful, and intelligent. I understand why growing up is so hard for parents to watch. I want another child so bad but I don't know if I can handle the heartbreak of them growing up. It's a beautiful amazing thing but it's hard to think that soon they won't need you or want you as much. I cannot adequately describe the love and infatuation I have for my son. I say infatuated because something new every single day just has me unable to tear my eyes away from him. If he's a disease I'll willingly and happily die by his illness.

 

A good friend recently asked me how Frank and I make it work. I told them, I have no fucking clue. I don't know that we "work" at all sometimes bc of our differences but somehow we seem to see past it all no matter what. We fight hard but love each other harder and that's something I'm proud of. When he walks in the door from work every night, the sight of him alone makes my heart skip a beat. When we put Frankie to bed and kiss his forhead, I swoon at how much he loves and cares for our son. When we are driving down the road on our little family trips to the mall or out to eat and he takes my hand, I feel my cheeks get flushed and I always smile. When he rolls over and bear cuddles me at night telling me he loves me and goodnight, my HEART smiles. When I hear his ringtone or text tone go off my stomach gets into knots and I can't wait to grab my phone and see what he says. Frank drives me absolutely crazy all the time. He knows how to push my buttons and he will do it without remorse. He does things continuously knowing how much I hate them....but at the end of the day I'll be damned if I don't find myself still in that "honeymoon" stage and just nearly unable to contain my love for my BEST FRIEND.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't know how or why anything has turned out the way it has for me but I know it's perfection and it's more than I ever could have asked for. I went from a hot mess, irresponsible, raging alcoholic to....whatever I am now. A sober, happy, healthy mom and life partner and I'd like to think I'm damn good at both. It isn't easy. It's hard. I was warned but warnings can't prepare you. I didn't think I'd be able to do it either but....here I am. I'm doing it happily and it's getting easier. I'm doing what I was meant to do...be a mommy.

 

I've come to realize....Frank is my soulmate and Frankie is my soul.

"The British owner of Segway was killed after apparently driving one of the 2-wheeled personal tranporters off a cliff in northern England, West Yorkshire police told the Associated Press.
The body of James Heselden and his Segway were found in the River Wharfe. Police said witnesses said they saw a man fall Sunday over a 30-foot drop into the river in a popular hiking area near the village of Boston Spa, 140 miles north of London" - USA Today.

........I just want to ask, HOW THE HELL DO YOU FALL OFF A CLIFF ON A SEGWAY!?!?!?! Anyone else think that suicide MIGHT be behind this? I don't want to "speak ill of the dead"...so I'm hoping it was a real legit accident but how...HOW?!?!? HOW DO YOU DRIVE A SEGWAY OFF A CLIFF ON ACCIDENT!?!?!?!

Sad News Bears :(

Gloria Stuart passed away at 100 years old! Sad news. You probably don't recognize the name...she's best remembered as old lady sassy pants that talked about erotic moments in her life in Titanic as the old version of Rose. Yeah, I liked that lady...and might I add she was pretty amazing in The Invisible Man (1933). Epic woman, sad she passed away.

Stephen Colbert in all his glory....

http://www.redlasso.com/ClipPlayer.aspx?id=32ecd95f-a112-45ce-ae55-f75fd2394d10


one word. scrumtrulescent.

Elmo and his Elho.

Katy Perry decided to show her tittays on Sesame Street and I don't know which side I'm on completely. She wasn't all out there and sure there's netting that technically covers them up but....I still think the dress could have been a little more conservative. It's Sesame Street man! I don't wanna raise my son watching Miley Cyrus in a few years on there in some of her booty shorts....meh.

It's not super offensive but considering Katy's background and upbringing....ehhh. Yeah her kissing girls and liking it was kinda shocking and all but she's no Lady Gaga. Still can't believe she had the balls to say she was offended by Gaga's Alejandro video and the red tape on her vajayjay and tittays all while California Girls had just been released with her nude on some cotton candy clouds and whipped cream cans shootin cool whip from her tits. Whatever. I don't love her anymore. Too much Katy, too much.

Oh Teen Mom....

Alright. This week on Teen Mom, the girls left me speechless yet again with their stupidity, immaturity, and ability to make me want to drive to the ends of the world to save little Leah and Sophia from their batshit crazy mothers.

Catelyn

God bless her little heart. How in perfect hell does she deal with her stepfather/soon to be father-in-law? She wasn't really in this episode a lot which means we missed out on her nutcase mom and her random drug induced outburts. All I have to say about this girl and Tyler is they'd better get hitched and move to the other side of the country stat.

Maci

Oh Maci. My favorite of the girls. So happy she finally got to move in this episode! I'm so curious as to what all life holds for her in Nashville IF Ryan the Doucher doesn't get his parents to hire a lawyer and try to get joint custody of little Bentley. It's so good to see her finally put her foot down and let Ryan know that she's happy now and she's goin to Nashville no matter what he wants. I do wish that all the girls were more vocal at times (minus Amber's big annoying mouth) for example, I kinda wanted Maci to bring up all the points all of us are thinking. Ya know like, "Hey Ryan, you can bitch and moan all ya want but where the hell were you the first year of Bentley's life and why all of a sudden are you trying to shit on my parade? If it's just because your parents want time with Bentley then ok, but why are you suddenly throwing a temper tantrum and pouting when you've done a semi-half assed job being a dad thus far?" I don't get that kid! He miraculously found the balls to act like Maci was being, as he so nicely put it in front of his son, "a selfish bitch" when in all reality, isn't he being the little bitch that's trying to throw a wrench in not just her life, but Bentley's as well? Message for ya Ryan, grow the fuck up, be a man, and work with the woman that birthed that precious boy or just get back to your dumb new girlfriend and keep sittin around your barn/man cave in your stupid lazy boy bitching about things that you only give half a shit about anyways....douche.

Farrah

Oh good LORD this dumb broad just NEVER EVER stops! Please video tape yourself for one day (don't let MTV do it for Christ's sake, I have a feeling they use the BEST clips they can find of you and you're still a hag) and just watch yourself. Just sit down in front of the tv, ignore your baby like normal bc you're awesome at it, and just bask in all your glory. Jesus. Christ. Grow. Up. I want to feel bad for Farrah because she is doing this on her own since Sophia's dad Derek died. It makes you want to sympathize with her and all but then when she actually tries to do one good thing for Sophia by getting some of Derek's social security, she still makes it all about her and just looks like a dumb hag dealing with his sister. I hope to God she never gets rid of her lawyer because that poor guy seems to just get more and more frustrated with her immature bullshit everytime he sees her and has recently been pointing out what an immature selfish bitch she is. Your boyfriend died. Boo hoo bitch, if he'd lived to see what you've become I highly doubt he'd have the patience to put up with your shit and Sophia would still be without a dad. I say this fairly because I've learned throughout my pregnancy that I can be immature and hard to deal with so when you throw in those hormones...shit hits the fan, ergo I learned how to just work with Frank instead of always fighting him and it's worked out great for our little family. Farrah seems to want to fight and argue everyone over everything! Shut up bitch and just do what the ADULTS around you reccomend! And for the love of all things holy, watch your fucking child! Stop leaving her high up and just walking away on your G.D. phone! She's fallen twice, why the hell hasn't someone busted down your door and snatched your baby for safety and hit you in your abnormally large nose? Ugh. I have to stop, I'm getting too upset to continue with the fat one...

Amber.

Amber Amber Amber....you dumb fat bitch, why? Poor Gary....Gary is the guy that got that damn apartment in the first place and yet Amber always calls it her place and tries to kick him out. ??? He's an idiot, I've said it before that he's not all there but damn the guy tries. Oh btw, everyone should know (including Helen Keller) that you don't leave knives out WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY RUNNING AROUND YOUR DAMN HOUSE! God I'm baffled as to how she's even allowed to have a baby? Has CPS seen the show? Should I make the call myself? I'm lost. Anyways...onward with the fat one. Amber also once again let her big beautiful bipolar flag fly high in this episode when she attacked her simpleton blog Gary. She also took a marital arts class to relieve stress!?!?! What the hell is this shit about? If they're always broke and if she wants Gary to work to feed her fat ass (since she won't work at that amazing tanning salon again) then how in the hell did they get the money to pay for those stupid fucking kav ma gra or whatever classes. Seriously? If she's so worried about money then why the fuck is she spending it on stupid shit like martial arts classes? Girl child if you want to relieve your stress how about you admit that you're batshit crazy, bipolar, and manic depressive and get some happy pills to shut you the fuck up and mellow you the hell out. And how about you just keep on "workin out" to keep that all of a sudden trim body of yours in shape. (How the hell did she seriously drop the pounds? Seriously. I'm dead serious because you know that bitch didn't just "work out" or "eat right". No way, no way in hell.) In the sneak peek at next week she legitimately punches the shit out of Gary's face. WHAT. THE. HELL!?!? Their poor child is going to have soooooo many anger issues along with countless others that we can thank Amber for. Sure Gary is worthless and stupid but the guy's heart is in the right place. My heart broke for him when his idiot fat sidekick got serious for once and told him that Amber doesn't love him anymore. That's a bitter pill to swallow but it seems to be the truth. If I was an Amber, Frank would leave me...even if we had several kids...he, like normal people, wouldn't put up with that shit. Get out while you still can Gary!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess that's all I can even try to write about right now...my head's about to explode thinking about it all....

questions? comments? concerns? please share with me how you feel about this nonsense.

It's About Damn Time! EQUALITY FOR ALL!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,521209,00.html

Well I just watched the story about this on a channel I never watch, Fox News, and I was just beside myself when they said they voted in favor of adding the book to the kids reading list. My mom has been an elementary school teacher for about 13 years now and she's actually had a student with two mommies and I witnessed first hand the "teasing and bullying" (I use the term lightly, because the shit that was said is way more than just bullying but what the hell ever) this child put up with because of his parents. I happily stepped right on in and neutralized the situation because I think my mom was just so appalled and shocked that she wasn't sure what to do or what to say. I was just floored that one of the kids had the balls to say to this child, "Your mommies are lesbos so you don't have a reeeeaaaal family. You don't have a daddy! It's like you just live with your grandparents."

Now...I just want to say first off that this kid is lucky I didn't beat the shit out of them because if they'd been 18 I woulda been on their ass like white on rice. Sadly, they weren't. Secondly, I was just MIND BLOWN at the vocaublary and thought process this little shithead had. They used the term "lesbo" and correctly knew the definition of a lesbian and had obviously heard somewhere that "lesbo" is the super nice way to talk about lesbians (bitch please). They also seemed to think that glorious grandparents aren't "real" people because apparently to this little doucher a "real family" is Beaver Fucking Cleaver's family. I know I'm from a close-minded small southern town but DAMN. What the hell are teaching kids when that is their thought process about how things are in the world?! A family is a family!

My other half Frank is from California and he's accepted gays but that's about it. We haven't explored how we're going to raise our son on this issue and I don't plan on talking about it with him. If our son is gay, he's gay and I'm gonna celebrate it and stand by him fighting for more rights for him and his partner just like I have good friends of mine. If he's not gay, I'm going to make sure my little boy doesn't turn up his nose or think he's better than gays. I WILL NOT raise an ignorant prejudice southern biggot who thinks he can say "faggot" or "nigger". If my son ever thinks about saying those words or thinks it's ok to use them, I'll do a hell of a lot more than wash his mouth out with soap. I hope to all things holy that no matter what I do as a mother, I raise a boy who is open minded like me and learns that we're in a different place and time than the Beaver Cleaver years and equality FOR ALL is what's best for this country. I hope he doesn't bully in school. I hope that Frank and I make sure that he never for once thinks that if his mommy and daddy aren't picture perfect by societies standards then that makes us any less of a family.

I wish people would just understand that gays don't have a fucking "agenda". This isn't Middle Earth, Lord of the Rings didn't really happen, there aren't epic fucking uprisings happening in Middle Earth for "The Ole' Ye Gays". Gays aren't plotting a damn diabolical scheme to take over the world-they just want some equal rights because they're people too. I'm proud of the board members that voted for this to be a requirement for kids to read. The school systems shove everything else down our fuckin throats so why not add to the melting pot and give people one more thing to bitch about. I will never tire from hearing old people bitch about how the world is today. NEVER. Time's are changing and if you can't hang, get the hell out. Retire, get rid of your tv, stop reading the paper, move to the mountains and make your own clothes, hunt your own food, pull a Little House on the Prairie and do things your old fashioned way and stay out of the way of those who are trying to pave a path for generations to come.

And that's my 99 cents. Don't like it? Move to the mountains and get off my blog.

Teen Mom

Alright, as a mom to be, Frank and I have gotten all swept up in "Teen Mom". A.) I like talking shit about high school girls, and B.) It makes us feel better about our situation. I've seen all the 16 and Pregnant episodes of theses girls all the way up to the current season. I have so much to say about the girls and the most recent episode.

Caitlyn.

So many people don't like her or get why she's on the show. I get it. I myself was adopted, and althought the circumstances with my birth mother are far from Caitlyn's situation, it's for me personally to see adoption and the healing process through the eyes of a different mother who chose adoption. I love that she and Tyler have, up until Maci and Kyle, had the healthiest relationship on the show. They have such a horrible home situation and to decide on adoption because it was best for Carly takes a lot especially seeing how it's affected Caitlyn's relationship with her mom. Caitlyn's mom is a recovering (and I use the term lightly) drug and alcohol addict and it's obvious. Not only does her appearance scream addict but her erratic bipolar behavior is terrifying and I don't understand how Caitlyn can just sit there and take all the things she says and let them roll off her back. From birth mothers I know who opted for adoption and after mulling over the "what if" in my head when I found out I was pregnant, there's a lot to adoption that people overlook. I think that Caitlyn and Tyler have the biggest emotional, mental, & spiritual growing up to do out of everyone on the show and to see how Tyler handles his father being a hot mess all while being a rock for Caitlyn, it just touches your heart. To see Caitlyn and Tyler at the end of the day, they have only each other and a mere memory of Carly to get themselves through the decision they made to let that baby go to a better home and keep on with life as normally as possible. These two have stolen my heart and I hope they have a fabulous wedding and have babies babies babies down the road that they CAN take care of. Adoption is hard and I commend any and everyone involved in one.

Farrah.

Oh God where do I start? I have never really liked Farrah and the older she gets the more she grows on me but I still can't stand her. I know a lot of why she is so emotionally fucked up is because of the little known death of her boyfriend, Sophia's father. I understand she's heartbroken and all but by actively NOT dealing with it she has caused a bigger mess for her to dig herself out of. I understand crazy mothers better than most because mine is nuts and iconically acts a lot like Farrah's "Debrah" but in the last two episodes I just don't get where this immature and childish hate comes from. My mom has done more than spank me or smack me in the face and I moved on. Does it suck when you find yourself physically and emotionally fighting your own mother? Yes. Is it the end of the world? Hell no. Grow up Farrah. Your mom and dad that you're such a little bitch to have paid for you're maternity clothes, they paid for your doctor bills and they paid for you AND Sophia to live with them. I've got all the baby bills now, these things aren't cheap. Kids are pretty damn expensive and right now even if my dad buys me a taco from Taco Bell, I want to tear up and hug him and say, "Thank you daddy, I swear I'll pay you back $.80". Sure she got this phenominal job at a pizza place where she barely gets by and I commend her for at least trying, but all the things parents do for their kids when they're about to become grandparents should never be overlooked. Farrah has so many anger issues and at least now she knows she needs help, but will she ever get the help she needs? She left Sophia on the kitchen counter and walked away chatting on the phone. WHAT THE HELL!?!?! I know, I KNOW this is not just my newly developed maternal instincts saying WHAT THE HELL FARRAH! PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILD! When she fell off the bed 2 episodes ago I literally, LITERALLY almost shit myself. I thought my water was gonna break and I was gonna go into labor and birth my child 3 months early. Real talk. That's how insanely ridiculously scared I was when I saw and heard that baby hit the ground. Farrah, the world isn't full of mind readers. You will never be treated like an adult if you don't stop dicking around acting like such a cunt to everyone. I hope when you watch this season you cry yourself to sleep for a week straight when you realize how batshit crazy you are.

Amber.

You're a fat bitch. The fact that you sucked up enough coke to last through half the 80's does not take away from the fact that you are still a fat, rude, annoying bitch. You did not lose 19 or however many dress sizes just by working out. We see your fat ass on tv layin around having Gary take care of your child. You don't burn calories by sleeping and yelling at Gary. Don't try and fool me. This pair just blows my mind. Poor Gary. He's just a idiot! That poor guy is just dumb. Plain and simply. Dumb. If Amber will actually sit down and watch the seasons play out on tv maybe she will see what a dumb bitch she is and finally realize that Gary's heart is in the right place and his intentions are good but he's just dumb. I wish Amber would realize that Gary is the only guy in the world that would stay with her and tolerate her so next time he upsets her by breathing, she should maybe shut the fuck up and deal with it. Also, Leah is a satan child. I hope she doesn't ever ever EVER see episodes of Teen Mom when you and fat daddy were fuckin nuts.

Maci.

I saved the best for last. Maci is my favorite because this girl handles everything with as much dignity as she can muster. She always thinks about what really is best for Bentley. The other moms say that they want what's best for "insert baby's name here" but most of their intentions are not in the right place. Maci seems to only think about Bentley and she seems to handle all the situations with her doucher ex-fiance Ryan with her head held high. I'm pretty pissed that in the last episode Ryan suddenly wants Bentley to stay here so he goes to see what he can do to legally keep Maci stuck close to him just because his parents suggested it. Ryan's a douche nozzle and although his new girlfriend seems to be the only one of the two with parental instincts, it's not her damn kid or her place to try and get Bentley to stay there or have more time with Ryan. I love watching Maci and Kyle together and I especially love seeing Kyle with Bentley. Kyle's personality is much like my man's with the "What if's what if's what if's. Don't like em. Worry bout it if it comes". Such a great guy to be not only in Maci's life but in Bentley's life as well. Kudos to Maci for going to school, working, AND being a great mom. Double kudos to having the cutest kid ever.

Teen Mom. A show that I will forever be addicted to. I can't wait to see what I can say about next week. I'm ready to remind the world what a bitch Amber is....

2010 MTV VMA's

MTV’s 2010 Video Music Awards.
One big clusterfuck. This year Chelsea Handler was chosen to host. Let me just start by saying that I LOVE CHELSEA HANDLER. She is rude, crude, foul mouthed, trashy, always drunk, never censors her thoughts or comments, never fails to be brutally honest, hysterical, and has such a beautiful dry sense of humor. Her stand up is outrageous and her show is perfection especially when Ross Matthews is on with her. She’s brilliant and would normally be the perfect choice for such an event but we all must remember that when chosen to host any awards show, there’s already a script mapped out with tons of “funnies” that the host is expected to sell. I think Miss Handler did an outstanding job with what she was given. Would it have been better if she could have just gotten to say what she had to say? Yes. Should she have gotten more air time? Yes. Everything about the VMA’s filming was so painfully awkward this year!
The red carpet. AWFUL. Some of the entrances were amazing, but as a friend of mine pointed out, the vj’s simply sucked. MTV threw in a bunch of no names that no one wants to see interview anyone. There was too much chaos going on with outdoor performances and early awards being given out that so many of the interviews and entrances were ruined. 30 Seconds to Mars had a super gnarly idea for an entrance by playing off their nominated video “Kings and Queens”. Jared Leto has always brilliantly tied every project they’re doing to coincide with whatever event they are attending. He’s an artist and always tries to keep a theme in mind. The grand entrance on the bikes using Echelon as a part of it was brilliant but the interview was so painfully awkward. Let the artist do their thing, then queue your awful vj to poorly execute an “interview”, ok MTV? More red carpet disaster (and I’m not talking about Firecrotch Lohan) was awarding Lady Gaga two random ass awards before the show started. Next time, just recognize the awards not “officially” presented somewhere in the middle of the show before you cut to a commercial and let the audience know who won and leave it at that. It was just awkward and weird and I would have much rather enjoyed a better interview with the lady of the night who had SO many things to talk about rather than giving her a lame award that no one will be talking about.
Performances? Where to start? Taylor Swift, I fell asleep while you were singing your stupid Kanye song. Get laid already and stop playing the sweet and innocent card. It’s not cute anymore and I’m tired of your songs. I wish I still liked you…but you’re dunzo. Emenim you did amazing but why oh why did you ever agree to a duet with an artist who time after time performs horribly live? Rhianna never has been good live and word was that she wasn’t going to make it due to filming her movie in Hawaii and then BAM there she is in a ballet Barbie meets combat Rambo “outfit” looking and sounding awful. Then we have my least favorite thing about the night…Nikki Whateverherlastnameis’s performance. Who is this crazy scary bitch and where did her talentless beluga whale ass wash up from? Bitch you wonder why some black women get a rep for being trashy…you madam epitomized it with 3 seconds of being on stage of your performance with Will. I. Am! It’s great and all that you could safely go jogging at night in that little git up you wore but seriously? Girl with an ass that big and a suit that tiny and tight, I was getting uncomfortable and claustrophobic just WATCHING you dance around making the most disgustingly awkward faces. Not a good look at all and I wish Will. I. Am hadn’t been in such an awkward “black man” outfit. We already have a Lady Gaga kiddos, ergo the days of being all Bjork and creative are over. Leave it Gaga and her FABULOUS meat dress to be creative, different, edgy, and new.
As for the winners, the only one I didn’t agree with was Justin Beiber winning best new artist. I kinda think that the amazingly trashy Ke$ha should have won. Yeah I’ve about had enough of her but I feel like Justin Beiber coulda nabbed it last year. Just a thought.
Highlights of the evening? GAGA. SIMPLY GAGA. Lady Gaga swept the awards this year winning damn near everything. Bravo bitch, you deserved it. Lady Gaga looked disgustingly fierce ALL night! Her tribute opening McQueen dress was out of this world. She also had very appropriate speeches for each award she accepted. It was also nice to see her so humbled and grateful every time she was on the stage. When Cher presented the most coveted award of the night, it was like the stars aligned for those few moments when Cher and Gaga were sharing the stage in all their divaness. I commend Lady Gaga for outspoken she was the entire night about her guests she brought with her and how much she was advocating for the discharged service men and women.
I suppose that’s all I can say about the 2010 VMA’s. Can’t wait for next years!

Body Modifications

Ok, I am covered with tattoos. I've had my nose pierced since I was 18. I've had my lips pierced...and that's about it. I get the desire to pierce and ink and whatever to your body. What I don't get is being a "modified" person where you actually get silicon inserts of shapes into your body...like this....

WTF!?!?!?! WHAT IS THIS ABOUT!?!?! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT IS "COOL" OR EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME AS PLASTIC SURGERY!?!? I'm not for or against plastic surgery. Do I want to get a boob job after baby is born if my boobs deflate like sad little balloons that have been lingering 5 days after the party is over? Well yeah! I don't want saggy gross boobs at 23...I do not however want Heidi Montag Frankentittays. I don't see the craziness in something like that. I do however see the sheer stupidity and craziness in getting a damn brass knuckle on your chest.

It's stupid and trashy and if you're into that kind of thig, great. You're gross and yes I do think less of you because I'm creeped the hell out from it and from people who think it's seriously and honestly "cool". Dermal implants are fucking sick. If you really need to change your body THAT much then maybe you and Heidi Montag or Jocelyn Wildenstein should become bff's and ride to Dr. 90210 together.

http://perezhilton.com/2010-09-16-goosebumps_movie_in_the_works_carl_ellsworth_writing_screenplay

HOLY AMAZABAWLS

I never thought they would do this! Are these books still as big as they were when I was younger!??!!? How badass would that be if my son got to grow up to Goosebumps movies being made into films!?!? I always thought it would be awesome to make these books into actual feature films, not just...whatever it is they made that they called "movies". One more reason why I LOVE the 90's.